Why You Self-Sabotage… And How to Stop It Fast

You know that thing you’ve been putting off? The email you haven’t sent, the project you haven’t started, the conversation you keep avoiding? What if the problem isn’t laziness—and it isn’t lack of motivation either?

What if it’s resistance—and what if you could work through it in about ten minutes?

If you’ve ever asked yourself ‘why do I self-sabotage when I actually want this?’—this is your answer.

I spent three weeks avoiding something that took me ten minutes once I understood what was actually going on. And I’ve since used the same framework—what I call the Resistance Repair process—three times in a single week, for completely different things, every time with the same result: the thing I’d been stuck on suddenly became easy.

In this post, I’m walking you through two real examples from my own life, and then breaking down the exact five-step process you can use to spot resistance when it shows up—and move through it fast.

So here’s something wild.

I spent three weeks avoiding booking a flight to see my mom. Three weeks. Not because I didn’t have the money. Not because I didn’t know how. But because every single time I opened the Delta website, I’d feel this wave of overwhelm and just… close the tab.

And then once I figured out what was actually happening? I booked the whole trip in ten minutes.

That’s what we’re talking about today.

We’re talking about resistance.

And no, I don’t mean the big, dramatic kind where you have a full-blown meltdown and can’t get out of bed. I’m talking about the sneaky, quiet kind that shows up as procrastination. Or overthinking. Or suddenly deciding you need to reorganize your entire pantry instead of doing the thing you actually need to do.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

What resistance actually looks like (and why it hides)

It’s that invisible force that kicks in the second—literally the second—you decide to make a change. Whether it’s booking the trip, starting the project, having the hard conversation, or finally launching the thing you’ve been putting off for months.

And here’s what’s crazy. I’ve used my Resistance Repair framework three times just this week. Three times. For completely different things. And every single time, once I worked through it, the thing I’d been avoiding became almost stupidly easy.

So today I want to pull back the curtain and show you exactly what resistance actually looks like in real life. How to spot it when it’s happening. And most importantly—how to fix it fast so you can stop self-sabotaging and start moving forward.

Because if you’re anything like me, you’ve got big goals for finishing this year strong. You want to make the most of these last 90 days. You want to go into 2026 with momentum instead of regret.

And resistance? It’s the thing that will quietly steal those goals right out from under you if you don’t know how to deal with it.

Okay, so let me tell you what happened with this Seattle trip, because I think it’s going to be really relatable.

At the beginning of October, I set some quarterly goals for myself. And one of them was to be more intentional about the key relationships in my life. Specifically my mom and my teenage daughters.

My daughters are getting older—they’re in that phase where our relationship is shifting and changing—and I realized I needed to be more present and intentional with them. Not just going through the motions, you know?

And my mom, she’s getting older too. She lives in Seattle, and I live in Florida, so we don’t see each other that often. And honestly, it had been about a year since I’d seen her in person. A whole year.

So when I was setting my quarterly goals, I knew that needed to be a priority. I needed to make the effort to go see her.

Simple enough, right?

So for my monthly goal (because I always break my bigger quarterly goals down into monthly goals) I decided I would book a trip to Seattle to go see my mom.

And here’s the thing. This should have been the easiest goal ever.

I travel all the time. I’ve been on more planes in the last few years than I can count. I know how to book flights. I have the money… it’s not like I had to save up for it or anything. There was literally nothing complicated about this.

But every single time I went to actually do it, I would open up the Delta website, start looking at flights, and then just… freeze.

What thoughts are secretly running the show?

I’d start scrolling through dates and times, and I’d feel this wave of something—I don’t even know what to call it. Overwhelm, maybe? Anxiety?

And suddenly I’d need to go check my email. Or scroll Instagram for a second. Or remember that I needed to respond to that text message. Or literally anything else.

And I’d close the tab and tell myself I’d deal with it later.

This went on for weeks, you guys. Weeks. (BTW—if you’re trying to figure out how to stop avoiding things that actually matter to you… what follows is exactly what that looks like in real life.)

Every few days I’d think, okay, today’s the day. I’m going to book this trip. And then I just… wouldn’t.

And that’s when I realized—oh my gosh, this is resistance.

Because resistance doesn’t always look like fear or anxiety. Sometimes it just looks like “I’ll do it later.” Or “this is too hard right now.” Or “I need to figure out X before I can do Y.”

It’s sneaky like that. It disguises itself as totally reasonable things.

So I stopped and actually asked myself the question that I always ask when I’m working through this framework—what thoughts am I having about this trip?

Not what I think I should be thinking. Not what sounds good or noble. But what is my brain actually telling me when I sit down to book this flight?

And when I really paid attention, here’s what came up:

“I’ve already traveled so much this year. I’m exhausted from being on the road.”

Which is true, by the way. I have traveled a lot.

“I have huge work goals this quarter. I don’t have time to disrupt my routine right now. I need to stay focused.”

Also true. I do have big goals I’m working on.

And then this one: “I’m finally in a good rhythm with my health and workout routine. I’m walking every morning, I’m eating well, I’m doing all the things. And traveling always throws me off track. I don’t want to mess that up.”

And suddenly it all made sense why I couldn’t book the stupid flight.

Because those thoughts—whether they were true or not—were making me feel overwhelmed. And guilty. So. much. guilt.

Guilty because I wasn’t seeing my mom. Guilty because a good daughter wouldn’t be making excuses. Overwhelmed because I felt pulled in too many directions at once.

And when you feel overwhelmed and guilty, what do you do?

You avoid. You procrastinate. You tell yourself you’ll deal with it later when you have more time or more energy or more clarity.

Which means I wasn’t booking the trip. Which was making me feel even MORE guilty because another week would go by and I still hadn’t done it.

Classic resistance spiral.

But here’s the thing about resistance—and this is so important—once you see it, you can change it.

Because those thoughts? They weren’t actually true. Or at least, they weren’t the ONLY truth.

They were just one way of looking at the situation. One story my brain was telling me.

So I had to consciously choose different thoughts. Thoughts that were also true, but that actually served me instead of keeping me stuck.

So here’s what I told myself instead:

“My mom is worth the hassle of traveling. Time with her is precious, and I don’t know how many more opportunities I’m going to have to see her. This matters.”

That’s true.

“I’ve traveled plenty of times and stayed on track with my health. I know how to walk when I’m traveling. I know how to make good food choices. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again.”

Also true.

And then this one: “I have an online business. I can work from anywhere. I can work on the plane if I need to. This doesn’t have to derail my work goals.”

All true.

And you know what happened once I shifted those thoughts?

I booked the flight. Took me ten minutes.

Ten minutes to do the thing I’d been avoiding for three weeks.

And actually, by the time you’re reading this, I’ll already be in Seattle. Because once I worked through the resistance, the action became easy.

That’s the power of this framework, you guys. That’s what happens when you stop fighting the resistance and start repairing it.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting.

Because at the same time I was dealing with all this… I ran into another textbook example of self-sabotage, but this time in my business. This time around this podcast.

And what’s wild is that it looked completely different on the surface, but underneath? Same exact pattern.

Let me tell you what happened.

So a few weeks ago, my team and I were at our quarterly retreat. And we made this big decision to simplify everything and bring all my content back under the Do It Scared® podcast.

Because here’s the thing—I’d been doing these other podcasts. Feel Better Live Free, which is all about health and wellness. And Million Dollar Year, which is all about online business. And they were both great, but it was a lot to manage. A lot of content to create. A lot of moving pieces.

And when we really looked at it strategically, it made way more sense to just bring everything back under Do It Scared®.

Because the Do It Scared® brand gives me the freedom to talk about mindset, business, AND health—all the things I’m passionate about—without being boxed into one lane. It’s the umbrella that holds everything together.

So we all agreed. It was a great plan. It felt aligned. I was excited about it.

And then I went home and sat down to actually make a plan for what this would look like.

What episodes would I do first? What would the editorial calendar look like for the quarter? How would we phase out the other podcasts gracefully?

Straightforward stuff. Stuff I’ve done a million times before.

And I just… couldn’t.

Every time I tried to map it out or plan the first few episodes, I would completely shut down. Like full-on brain freeze.

I’d open up a blank document to start outlining, and then I’d sit there staring at it for ten minutes. And then I’d close it and walk away.

Which made no sense, because I’ve done this before. I know how to plan content. I know how to structure a podcast. This should not have been hard.

But it was.

And that’s when I caught it again.. resistance.

So I went through the same process. I stopped and asked myself, what thoughts am I actually having about this?

And at first, the thoughts seemed totally logical and practical:

“I don’t have a good recording setup. The audio in my office is terrible.”

“My microphone is bad. People have left reviews complaining about the sound quality.”

“I don’t want to do AI-generated recordings anymore because I’ve gotten some negative feedback on that too.”

Technical issues, right? Seems like a reasonable thing to be concerned about.

But when I pushed a little deeper—when I really sat with it—here’s what was actually going on underneath all that:

“Are people going to think I’m flaky for coming back to this podcast after being gone for so long?”

“Did I make a huge mistake when I stopped doing the Do It Scared podcast and started those other shows?”

“What if I screwed up my business by making that decision? What if I lost momentum? What if I can’t get it back?”

And there it was. The real resistance.

It wasn’t about the microphone at all. It was about shame. Fear of judgment. Regret.

All dressed up as “I need better equipment.”

And those thoughts were making me feel anxious. Overwhelmed. And honestly, kind of ashamed.

Like maybe I’d failed in some way. Maybe I’d made the wrong call. Maybe people were going to judge me for it.

Which meant I wasn’t making a plan. I wasn’t taking action. I was just spiraling in this weird guilt-and-shame loop and getting further and further behind.

But once I saw it—once I identified what was really happening—I could fix it.

First, I dealt with the practical stuff. Because even though the microphone thing was an excuse, it was still a real problem that needed solving.

So I asked ChatGPT—which is hilarious, but honestly super helpful—for recommendations on how to set up a better recording space in my office.

And you know what it recommended? A specific microphone that’s supposed to be great for podcasting.

So I went to Amazon to order it. And it turns out I’d already bought that same microphone twice. Twice! I just had no idea where it was.

So I went digging through my storage unit, and sure enough, I found the microphone. And the arm to hold it on my desk. And a bunch of other stuff I’d already bought for my recording studio and forgotten about after our move.

I ordered some acoustic panels to help with the sound in my office. I got a sound-blocking curtain because my office doesn’t have a door, which has been an issue.

And boom. Problem solved. Took me like an hour to set everything up.

But here’s the thing—that was the easy part.

The harder part was dealing with the deeper thoughts. The shame and the fear and the regret.

And I had to consciously choose to think differently about it:

“What’s done is done. I can’t go back and change the decisions I made a year ago. All I can do is move forward from here.”

That’s true.

“My audience appreciates transparency. They don’t need me to be perfect—they need me to be real. They want to see the messy, human parts of building a business and a life.”

Also true.

And this one was big for me: “If people want to judge me for being honest about my journey, for pivoting when something isn’t working, for being willing to change course—then they’re probably not my people anyway.”

That’s true too.

And just like that, I could breathe again.

I made the plan. I set up my office. And here I am, recording this episode, feeling completely free to just show up and be myself.

No more shame. No more spinning. Just action.

So here’s what both of these stories have in common.

In both cases, resistance showed up the moment I decided to level up. The moment I committed to something that mattered to me.

With the trip to Seattle, it was about deepening my relationship with my mom. About prioritizing what’s actually important instead of just staying busy.

With the podcast, it was about stepping back into visibility. About owning my story and my journey, even when it’s not perfect.

And in both cases, resistance disguised itself as something else.

With the trip, it looked like logistics. Like I was just too busy or too tired or too worried about my routine.

With the podcast, it looked like technical issues. Like I just needed better equipment before I could move forward.

But underneath? It was always fear.

Fear of disruption. Fear of judgment. Fear that I’d made mistakes I couldn’t fix. Fear of not being enough.

And here’s what I want you to understand—this is so important—resistance is not a character flaw.

It’s not proof that you’re lazy. It’s not proof that you don’t actually want the thing you say you want.

Resistance is just your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe. It’s your nervous system saying, “Hold up—are we sure we can handle this? Because this feels vulnerable. This feels risky. And I’m not sure we’re ready.”

It’s actually a sign that you’re about to grow. That you’re on the edge of something important.

Because here’s the truth—your brain doesn’t care about your goals. It doesn’t care about your dreams or your potential or the life you’re trying to create.

Your brain cares about keeping you safe. And safe means familiar. Safe means the status quo.

So every time you try to do something new, something that requires you to stretch or risk or be vulnerable, your brain is going to throw up resistance as a way to protect you.

That’s the connection between resistance and fear of change that nobody talks about—it’s not a character flaw. It’s biology.

It’s not trying to sabotage you. It’s trying to save you.

But the problem is, growth and safety can’t coexist. You can’t create a life you love by staying exactly where you are.

And that’s exactly where the Resistance Repair framework comes in—it’s the most practical tool I’ve found for how to move through resistance without white-knuckling your way past it.

Because when you can pause long enough to see what’s happening—to actually notice that you’re resisting and get curious about what’s really going on underneath it—that’s when everything shifts.

That’s when you take back your power.

So let me walk you through this process, because I want you to have the actual framework you can use.

The 5 steps of the Resistance Repair framework

Step 1: Recognize the resistance

It starts with recognition. You notice where you’re resisting. Where you’re procrastinating. Where you’re avoiding or overcomplicating something that actually matters to you.

For me, it was booking the trip and planning the podcast. For you, it might be having a hard conversation. Starting the business. Going back to school. Ending the relationship. Whatever it is that you know you need to do but keep putting off.

Step 2: Identify the thought loop

Then you identify the thought loop. What story is your brain telling you? What are the messages running in the background?

If you’ve ever wondered ‘why do I keep procrastinating on things I actually care about?’—this is why. It’s not the task. It’s the thought underneath it. 

And most of the time these thoughts are totally subconscious. We don’t even realize we’re thinking them until we stop and actually listen.

For me, it was “I’m too tired to travel” and “People are going to think I’m flaky.”

For you, it might be “I’m not ready yet” or “I don’t have enough experience” or “What if I fail?” or “What if people judge me?”

Whatever it is, you have to name it. You have to get it out of your head and onto paper so you can actually look at it.

Step 3: Name the feeling

Next, you name the feeling. Because every thought creates a feeling. And you can’t fix what you don’t feel.

For me, it was overwhelm and guilt and shame and anxiety.

For you, it might be fear or inadequacy or anger or sadness.

It doesn’t matter what the feeling is. What matters is that you acknowledge it. That you let yourself feel it instead of just pushing it down or pretending it’s not there.

Step 4: Observe the action (or inaction)

Then you observe the action or inaction. What are you actually doing—or not doing—because of those feelings?

For me, it was not booking the trip. Not making the plan. Closing the tab and walking away.

For you, it might be staying in the job you hate. Not starting the project. Scrolling social media instead of doing the work. Picking fights with your partner so you don’t have to be vulnerable.

Whatever it is, you have to see the pattern. You have to connect the dots between the thought, the feeling, and the action.

Step 5: Rewrite the thought

After that, you identify the consequence. What is this resistance actually costing you?

Because resistance always has a cost. Always.

For me, it was more guilt. More time passing without seeing my mom. More delays in getting my podcast back up and running. More opportunities lost.

For you, it might be staying stuck in the same place year after year. Missing out on the life you actually want. Watching other people do the things you wish you were doing.

You have to feel the weight of that. You have to let yourself see what it’s actually costing you to stay stuck.

And then—this is the critical part, the part where the actual repair happens—you rewrite the thought.

You ask yourself, what else could be true? What thought would actually serve me here? What would I need to believe in order to take the action I want to take?

Not some toxic positivity nonsense. Not some affirmation that feels fake.

But a thought that’s genuinely true and genuinely helpful.

For me, it was “My mom is worth the hassle” and “My audience values transparency.”

For you, it might be “I can figure this out as I go” or “Done is better than perfect” or “I’m allowed to change my mind” or “My dreams are worth the risk.”

Whatever it is, it has to be true. Your brain won’t believe it if it’s not true.

But when you find that thought—when you land on something that feels both true and empowering—everything shifts.

Because thoughts create feelings. Feelings create actions. Actions create results.

So if you want to change the result, you have to go back to the thought.

How to rewrite the thought that’s keeping you stuck

You can’t just willpower your way through resistance. You can’t just push harder or try to be more disciplined.

You have to repair it at the root.

What I’m describing is essentially a cognitive reframing technique—but one that’s grounded in what’s actually true for you, not toxic positivity.

And here’s why this is so powerful—why I keep coming back to this framework over and over.

Because resistance isn’t a one-time thing. It’s not like you work through it once and then you’re good forever.

Resistance shows up every single time you try to level up. Every time you step into a new version of yourself. Every time you do something that feels scary or vulnerable or uncertain.

Which, if you’re growing, is pretty much all the time.

I’ve used this framework three times just this week. Three times! For different things, in different areas of my life.

And I’ll probably use it again next week. And the week after that.

Because that’s how it works. Growth isn’t linear. It’s messy and uncomfortable and requires you to keep showing up for yourself even when your brain is screaming at you to stop.

But the more you practice this—the more you get good at spotting resistance and working through it quickly—the less power it has over you.

It goes from taking weeks to work through to taking days. And then hours. And eventually, minutes.

You start to recognize the patterns. You start to catch yourself in the moment. And you’re able to course-correct before you lose weeks of momentum.

That’s the difference between people who make progress and people who stay stuck. And it’s also the real answer to how to overcome procrastination—not discipline, not motivation, but learning to repair the thought underneath it. It’s not that successful people don’t have resistance. They absolutely do.

It’s that they know how to move through it quickly.

They don’t let it stop them. They don’t wait to feel ready or motivated or confident.

They just repair the resistance and take the next step.

And that’s what I want for you.

So here’s what I want you to take away from this episode.

First, resistance is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or lazy or unmotivated. It means you’re human. It means you’re growing. And that’s actually a good thing.

Second, resistance always shows up right before the next level. So if you’re feeling it, you’re probably on the right track. You’re probably about to do something important.

Don’t let that stop you.

Third, you can’t willpower your way past resistance. You can’t just push harder or be more disciplined. You have to actually deal with it. You have to repair it by changing the thought.

Fourth, awareness is everything. Once you see the resistance—once you can name it and understand what’s really going on underneath it—you can fix it.

You can’t change what you can’t see.

And finally, this is a practice, not a one-time thing. You’ll come back to this framework over and over. And that’s okay. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

The goal isn’t to eliminate resistance. That’s impossible.

The goal is to know how to move through it quickly so it doesn’t steal your momentum. So it doesn’t keep you stuck in the same place year after year.

Because here’s the bottom line—you don’t need more motivation. You don’t need more confidence. You don’t need to wait until you feel ready.

You just need to see the resistance, repair it, and take the action.

That’s it. That’s the whole game.

Now, if you’re listening to this and you’re already thinking about the areas in your life where resistance is showing up—where you’re avoiding something you actually want to do, where you’re stuck in that procrastination loop—I want to invite you to join me inside the Flourish Program.

Because here’s the thing. This Resistance Repair framework? It’s built right into the Flourish planner that everyone inside my Flourish program gets.

We have worksheets for it. We talk about it during our weekly planning sessions. And I’m literally using it in real time as I work on my own quarterly goals right alongside everyone else.

The breakthrough moments people are having—where they suddenly realize, oh, THAT’S what’s been stopping me—it’s so powerful.

Because here’s what I’ve learned over the last 15 years of consistently hitting big goals. Big goals never happen all at once. They never happen in one burst of motivation or one perfect week.

They only happen through small steps taken consistently over time.

And resistance? Resistance is the thing that kills consistency.

It’s the thing that makes you stop showing up. That makes you quit three weeks in. That keeps you stuck in the same patterns year after year.

But when you have a framework to work through it—when you have the tools and the community and the accountability to keep moving forward even when it’s hard—everything changes.

The doors to Flourish only open 4 times per year (once per quarter) and it’s $247 dollars for the entire quarter. That’s it. And honestly? The real magic is happening in the day-to-day.

In the weekly planning sessions where we’re breaking down our goals and working through our resistance together. In the community of women who are all doing this same work and cheering each other on. In the daily practice of showing up for yourself and taking small, consistent action.

That’s where transformation happens.

The next quarter starts April 1st and it isn’t too late to sign up.

Get in there. Start now. Use the planner. Join the weekly sessions. Work through the resistance in real time.

So come join us. Let’s do this together.

Related Episodes: 

I Spent 10 Days Convinced I’d Ruined Everything. Here’s What Actually Happened.

Life Will Punch You in the Mouth. Here’s What You Do Next.

You’ll Never Have Time for Your Goals Until You Stop Doing This One Thing

The Life Advice I Wish Someone Had Given Me 20 Years Ago

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